I took adderall last night.

It made me talk.

I haven't talked like that since Kristian & I first started dating,

and I get the feeling now that except for the unattraction to food,

I won't be talking like that again

until I have some more.

I'm not addicted,

but to have happiness in a pill?

It was heaven.
Honestly.

I told everyone exactly how wonderful they were,
and how much they meant to me,

how I was sorry I didn't talk more,

and how much I missed them.

If my "fake" happiness makes others happy,

then it can't be all wrong.

Can it?

The thought of a "personality in a pill" frightens me,

but to be sad for so long frightens me much much worse.